the sky here is always blue, and it never rains. sunny days are every days. so why does it pain me to weep my joy? this immense solitude will kill me, i think. that infinite jest inside of you might never be enough, really. when i cross over that immense gate, the gate of the heavens, the weight of life is cast over me. my shoulders weigh even more. it’s my duty to bring joy and beauty, somehow. even when it doesn’t feel right. i’ll joke around and, above all else, i’ll make it feel like all things make sense. like life and death aren’t the same, and all my people is free. as if the world was an immense paradise, ready for you to cross its fields. i’m always looking up, wondering. thinking about all this fatigue. i can’t seem to fit this feeling. into any category whatsoever, and categories don’t even feel that right anymore, anyway. in days like these, i think the gods have decided my next steps. this ever-lasting dance with the sun might be a step towards joy. weeping my way out of the dark, i offer you my hands, gentle ones. this is my invitation. hopefully it makes sense. but if i were to tell you in all seriousness that i do weep, sometimes, i don’t think you’d believe me. my words and my actions don’t match. like a disaster in disguise, my humanity consumes me. and i’d never wish this realization to any other person. the lights are out, and it’s night, already. still, the sun is there. it doesn’t move or flick. it shines bright in the most sincere way. i kinda hate it, sometimes, this energy that fuels our world. our universe shrinks because of its perfection, precisely positioned to allow us to breathe. i need to cry, so it knows i’m here, so it doesn’t confuse itself with me. and so i, at last, don’t confuse thee. but again, like a final act of despair, i open my doors to you. the boarded windows in my mind... are no more. please, come in, take a seat, and look at who i am in the face. i hope this makes you feel something. anything. this is my purpose and the reason i can wake up everyday. i can be happy, even in my despair. all cuz my home sparks many joys. it is welcoming, tidy, so you forget to go outside. i want to trap you here for as long as you let me. so solitude doesn’t make me like a statue, symbol of numbness. allow me to teach you the ways of the eternal now and the unspeakable horrors of being essentially human. you should be blue. blue like this clear sky. and pale in soul, like the walls in my house. are you still there?